SIGH (DS) -- In what MSNBC assures viewers was not a rerun, Ralph Nader announced today on the Tim Russert show that he plans to once again run for President. With a dreary "why the fuck not," the once-popular Nader promised to base his candidacy on the same progressive platform that delivered him 0.38% of the vote in 2004.

"For too long the corporations and, ummm, the corporations have, well they've incorporated and, ummmmmm [two minutes of snoring] ... what? Huh? Oh yeah, the few! My campaign will shift the power back from the powerful few to the people," rambled a half-hearted Nader as Bill Russert worked studiously on his copy of the New York Times crossword puzzle.

Asked how his bold goals would in any way possibly be even the slightest, teensiest bit furthered by his quixotic bid for the nation's highest office after nearly eight years of personal irrelevancy and furthermore why the fuck he's still pulling this shit, Nader shrugged and then made the jerking-off hand motion.