The conflict began when the Mehdi Army, a militia loyal to Shi'ite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr, resisted efforts by Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki, who has major ties to Iran, to force them to disarm. Unlike the more peaceful Sunni Awakening, this bloody conflict has raged on despite several attempts by Iran to negotiate a cease-fire, and the US military has provided consistent air support for whichever side happens to speak English on a given day.

"This is fantastic news," explained White House Press Secretary Dana Perino to a skeptical press corps. "You see, this is great because it's not Sunni-Shi'ite fighting. It's a bloody internal factional fight between Shi'ites, which is like, ummm ... You see there's different types of Muslims apparently, and this is the same type killing each other, and that's a really good sign, like if the Civil War had been fought between New York and New Jersey instead of between the North and the South. Imagine how much better that would've been and that's how good this is."